“A man steals a 49 tonne bulldozer demolishing his ex friend’s house, 4 cars, & a boat. (Tweeted on 10 June, 2015)
It’s easy to see the foolish things associated with physical violence and verbal abuse which are obvious targets for spiritual assassination. However, passive aggressive sulking and sarcasm are perhaps the most insidious culprits of all because they don’t appear so evil. However, like a slow growing cancer, they subtly destroy relationships without a punch being thrown or a voice being raised.
What would it take for me to change? Is transformation really possible? Here are some further reflections that have helped me unhinge this thorn from my side.
1. No Excuse!
1. No Excuse!
If we justify for but a moment any outburst,
then we give ourselves permission to lose it all over again when the
next pressure point occurs. So yes, I might have been tired. Yes, they
might have been cruel. But, so what? In your anger do not sin!
(Ephesians 4:26)
We each have a room at the back of our head filled with a library
of rationalizations as to why we give reign to sin. Go to that room and
plant as much C-4 explosive as you can and blow it out of existence.
Only then will we grow up. We have no excuse!
2. Pride Lurks Behind Anger
2. Pride Lurks Behind Anger
Augustine was right; pride is
indeed the mother of all sins. My anger betrays a ‘spirit of
demandingness’. I require the world to operate on my terms and on my
agenda with me at the centre of the universe. James captures the
demanding spirit which fuels anger and conflict.
“What causes fights and
quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within
you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot
get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.” (James 4:1–2a)
Some schools of psychology view anger as a secondary emotion with
the primary one being hurt. I fully agree. Anger seeks to either punish
the person who is hurting us or protect us from further hurt.
However, behind this psychological insight is still pride. There
is the pride which demands that we be treated properly and woe be tide
anyone who crosses our path. There is also the pride which refuses to be
vulnerable and share our hurt as hurt. The result is that we demonise
the ones who wound us.
It’s also worth noting that anger lacks basic wisdom in that it’s
hard for others to hear our pain when it comes gift wrapped in the barb
wire of anger.
3. God Is in It Up to His Neck
3. God Is in It Up to His Neck
Consider the last time you lost your
temper or sulked and ask the question, “What did you want that you did
not get?” Was it order, perfection, control, peace, respect, love,
quiet, honour, praise, or simply the lawn mover to start. Now ask the
next question, “Whose decision ultimately was it to not give it to you
and why?”
Romans 8:28–29 reminds us that God is in it up to his neck! When
it comes to every event in your life, from being stuck in traffic, a
delayed meal, or a critical comment God is using every experience to
shape us to be more like Christ. For when Jesus had the right to be
angry he cried out, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what
they are doing” (Luke 23:34).
This means that the very things and the very people that I think
cause my anger are there under God’s providence to make me slow to
anger. Who would have thought?
My anger is ultimately about fighting against God himself. And that is a battle I will never win!
4. My Sense of Timing Is All Wrong
4. My Sense of Timing Is All Wrong
I keep forgetting what
theological time zone I live in. Life is lived after the fall, outside
the garden and before the return of our Lord. Which means I operate in a
world where engines break down, holidays get rained on, spouses are
late, friendships end, and bosses are unfair. In the age to come it will
be different; every job will be satisfying, every relationship will be
true, and every human body will be healthy, but for now its not going to
be that way. I must stop expecting that I‘m in heaven now and learn to
be patient as I groan for the new creation! (Rom 8:25)
5. My Anger is Worse Than the Thing I Am Angry At
5. My Anger is Worse Than the Thing I Am Angry At
As I mention in the first article the ungodly display of anger has a 100% failure rate. It never does any good. James is clear,
“… for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:20)
Think of the last time you sent an angry text, or made a biting
comment on Facebook. Chances are sooner or later you regretted pressing
‘send’ (and if not maybe you should have).
I have come to a profound realisation: “My anger is always worse than the thing that I’m angry at!”
I know this proverb of mine is crying out for a qualification but
I suspect not as often as we may imagine. The insight has blessed me
many times because it places the focus on what I can change.
Where this is really hard to grasp is when entering in a
theological debate. I remember engaging in a weekly discussion with some
Jehovah Witnesses about Jesus being God. By week three I was
exasperated and it was coming through the tone of my voice. That night I
just happened to be reading 2 Timothy 2:25 which spoke of instructing
opponents with gentleness in the hope that God would grant them
repentance. Anger betrays a lack of understanding that it is God alone
who brings a change of mind in a person’s life. While gentleness is a
declaration that God is sovereign, anger is a denial of the same truth.
This doesn’t mean that a degree of passion is not appropriate.
Paul was more than upset at the Galatians for turning to another gospel
(Galatians 3:1). However, so often I need others to agree with me for my
sake, not God’s glory. I am more concerned about winning an argument
than winning a soul.
What about the trail of victims left in the wake of my fury? For
an answer to this question, For an answer to this question, see Confessions of An Angry Pastor (Part 3).
For Confessions of an Angry Pastor (Part 1), see here.
